His smile

Jude boy and his many faces. 

this cute boy has got his papa and I wrapped around his little finger. 

Jude, 

You're smiling now. Like really smiling. Your dad and I melt every time you do it.

 It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. by far.

I didn't think it was possible, but I'm finding that every day my heart falls in love with you even more then the day before. 

I love you precious boy, 

Momma

My Birth Journey- part 2

Read part 1 here

We decided to move back to our hometown when I was around 12 weeks pregnant. We thought it would be nice to be close to family for the pregnancy and birth. And also, Lee had a more stable job here. I'm so glad we made that decision, because we seriously found the best midwife ever :) and of course, it's been great being close to family.

My very first appointment was at 14 weeks. I wrote about it here. I remember feeling so nervous- we hadn't had any other appointments up to that point .. and I was just so nervous that there would be something wrong with the baby ..and we wouldn't hear the heartbeat or something.
We got to her place (office, I guess you could call it). It was a small little home in the country. Super cozy and inviting. I loved it the first time I saw it.
Jen (our midwife) was so, so sweet. She offered us tea when we first came in (I feel the need to mention this detail ;)
Once we started talking, I was thrilled that we had found someone that really shared our same views about pregnancy and birth. It was a breath of fresh air.
While we were there, one of her clients came in to give birth. Lee and I never saw the couple.. but we heard their baby's first cry from the room that we were in. It was unreal and such a cool thing. In that moment, I was overwhelmed by how natural, calm, and normal birth could be.
It really solidified that this was how I wanted our baby to come into the world.

Our appointments continued throughout the pregnancy, and they were always something that Lee and I looked forward to (who doesn't look forward to baby appointments??) :)
I was never once harassed about weight gain/loss. In fact, I was never even weighed once! I never had any invasive tests done. It just felt right to let things be natural.
I felt so comfortable knowing that Jen trusted my body to handle a pregnancy all on its own. Really, there was no need to do anything, except just wait for our sweet babe to come!

Jen really and truly became a friend to us. I would call her anytime I ever had a concern or question. She was always so helpful and I knew she would always be there if I needed her. We never felt like a bother to her and she never once made us feel like just another patient.

Lee and I did decide that we wanted to know the gender of our babe. So at 21 weeks, we went in to a imaging center. It was really exciting to find out, but its something that I don't think we'll do again. I've learned a little more about the dangers of ultrasounds, and to me, its just not worth it to expose the baby to something like that for the excitement of something silly like a gender reveal.


Next up.. the day of Jude's birth!


Thank you so much for reading. I've really struggled with how to write all of this. I truly don't want to make anyone upset, but I realize that I need to stay true to what I believe and sometimes that means that people will be upset. And that's okay.
Regardless, I love you all and the blessing you are in my life!

Love

This little boy has our hearts. How is it possible to feel this much love?

My Birth Journey- part 1

So.. I've put off writing this, because honestly I didn't really know where or how to begin. It just feels rather daunting to express accurately my feelings surrounding birth and labor. Also, I know that my opinions are not mainstream and not necessarily popular..so there was fear of making people upset. But, I feel extremely passionate about pregnancy and birth, so I feel like it is my responsibility to at least share my thoughts and experiences surrounding the topic.

In order to really understand my birth story, you should know a few things. 

Disclaimer: Of course there is always exceptions to things revolving around labor and birth. Please understand that I am referring to healthy women laboring and birthing. I understand that medical intervention is sometimes very necessary, but I also understand that SO many of the times it is used in this country it is unnecessary.
On another note, I have my opinions about this and I respect that you all have yours too!

I believe that birth is a natural and normal happening, not a medical procedure.

I believe that America has a distorted view of birth and labor, and I think that women are constantly being fed that their bodies simply can't birth on their own. This results in women actually believing that this is true.

I believe that God knew what He was doing when he designed the woman's body and I don't question it's ability to labor and birth a healthy baby on its own.

I love how Ina May Gaskin puts it:
 "There is an assumption that we humans are inferior to the other five thousand or so species of mammals in our ability to give birth to our young. I have always found it hard to accept this notion, probably because my father was a farmer for years. Those who are used to the birth ways of other mammals know that it is easy to cause complications during labor by disturbing the mother. If we put horses, goats, and cows through the restrictions and indignities that most laboring women in U.S. hospitals are routinely subjected to, the animals would surely have as many complications as we do. The astonishing thing to me is that we have come to believe that our human bodies are not as well designed for birth as other mammals’ are. Really it’s our brains that can pose problems: we alone among mammals have the ability to scare and confuse ourselves about birth."
Read more of her interview here.
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Before I found out I was pregnant, I hadn't given too much thought to the labor and birth part of pregnancy. I mean, in my head I definitely liked the idea of doing things natural. But, there was a fear that surrounded that thought. I mean you're told constantly that birth is scary, excruciating, awful even. And that you shouldn't dare do it without a epidural or you're just crazy. How would I not be freaked about doing things natural after hearing all of that for years and years?
My fear, caused me to start thinking things like 'well, what's it matter? as long as my baby gets here okay then I don't care how he gets here' 
Honestly, that thought disgusts me now.
It wasn't until I was actually pregnant for a few weeks that I really wanted to know more about birth & labor. So, Lee and I watched the documentary: 'The Business of Being Born'. 
And wow. 
My mind was opened to the sick reality of America's style of laboring and birthing. It really was a business. It seemed like women were viewed as cattle. Get them in and out as fast as possible. There was no regard for the well-being of the mother and baby. There was no respect for the beauty of what birth could be. 
I felt sick after watching it. I knew that I couldn't do things the way everyone else was doing it, just because a doctor told me that was the right way. Of course, it feels a little scary doing things so differently then everyone else. You feel like people will think you're crazy or weird. Or that they'll think you're bad parents for not having you're child in the 'safe-haven' of hospital walls.


But you know what, I decided that respecting my body and baby were more important then the negative thoughts that I may have gotten from others.


Part 2 will come soon! 
I'm guessing that there will be many opinions in the comments, and I look forward to reading them. 
Just please, keep things civil!! ;)


Read Part 2 here.