Friday, January 13, 2012

Our baby Story- part 2

READ part 1 here

 Sure, our baby was just a few days old.. age doesn't matter, it hurts nonetheless. 
I was angry. I questioned God over and over again. It didn't makes sense how or why He would do something like that.

I feel like we had pretty much given up hope for awhile. It didn't seem like it was going to happen for us..but we tried again. A few days before my expected period that next month, I kid you not, I looked out the window and saw a huge double rainbow. Now, it wasn't like I was seeing rainbows everyday in Florida.. those two rainbows were the only ones I can even remember seeing the whole time we lived there. Maybe there was one when we first moved there?? Can't remember. 
Anyway, once again that rainbow was a ray of hope. He knows how much we can take. He knows when we need a sign. He knows when we need to know He is there. 

That month, I really didn't think I was pregnant.. I mean, part of me always had hope that maybe I was.. but it didn't seem likely.. I remember the day I had told myself I would test.. (I actually waited till that day came!) I woke up super early.. Lee was still in bed, but he woke up and I told him I was going to Wal-mart to get the tests. We were both so nervous... that drive was seriously torture. I finally got home.. Lee was still in bed. I told him I was going to do it.. and not to come in the bathroom. Haha. I was shaking like crazy.. I took it... and guess what?! 


The line showed up immediately, and was as dark as could be. I was pregnant! I of course, ran out of there and told Lee.. we were so happy. Obviously, it was still a little scary.. I mean just a month before this same thing had happened.. we were so happy.. and then days later we lost our baby. For a LONG while I really struggled with this pregnancy.. I had so much fear of what could happen. 
I'm not about to say that I did a very good job of leaning on God during that time... I felt afraid that we would lose our baby again. 
I'm also not going to say that I even really understand why we had to go through all of that. I think a lot of times we find ourselves in trials.. and we wonder why why why. 

I am clinging to the fact that God really DOES see the bigger picture. He knows. 
We don't always keep the eternal perspective. But He never loses it. 

1 Samuel 1:11a
And she made a vow, saying, "LORD Almighty, if you will only look on your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him the LORD for all the days of his life."
I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of Him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD.

The Lord has given us a beautiful baby. A baby that is the perfect mixture of me and the love of my life. What a blessing and honor that I will never take for granted.


  1. wow bethany, this made me teary. God bless this miracle

  2. This is so beautiful. God's timing is perfect. I am so thankful for you and your little family!

  3. aw ... thanks for sharing just a small piece of your journey .. a journey that will be on-going and forever life changing! love you girl and love your heart!

  4. I love your honesty. I'm sure these posts will help other women out there who are going through something similar. When I got pregnant I was fearful that I would miscarry...until I realized I needed to let go of those fears because the baby was not my own to begin was God's creation..and if He decided to take it away, then He knew best... It's a hard thing to trust in God, especially when it seems like He's far away and not working on our behalf. I'm so glad you're able to enjoy this pregnancy. I know you'll be a great mom!

  5. I recently read that scripture as well and while it is obviously about Hannah's longings for a child, I love that it can speak to anyone (in all kinds of situations) desperately wanting something that they have not been given.

  6. Thanks for sharing your story - I know it can be hard to open up! I'm sorry about your first, sweet baby. Rejoicing with you during this pregnancy though!

  7. He is faithful, and so good. I am just so thrilled to hear of this little life He has gifted to you and Lee! Thank you for sharing your story. I'm not at this stage in life yet, but when I am, I pray I will remember this story as an example of the way He gives and provides.

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