READ part 1 here
Sure, our baby was just a few days old.. age doesn't matter, it hurts nonetheless.
I was angry. I questioned God over and over again. It didn't makes sense how or why He would do something like that.
I feel like we had pretty much given up hope for awhile. It didn't seem like it was going to happen for us..but we tried again. A few days before my expected period that next month, I kid you not, I looked out the window and saw a huge double rainbow. Now, it wasn't like I was seeing rainbows everyday in Florida.. those two rainbows were the only ones I can even remember seeing the whole time we lived there. Maybe there was one when we first moved there?? Can't remember.
Anyway, once again that rainbow was a ray of hope. He knows how much we can take. He knows when we need a sign. He knows when we need to know He is there.
That month, I really didn't think I was pregnant.. I mean, part of me always had hope that maybe I was.. but it didn't seem likely.. I remember the day I had told myself I would test.. (I actually waited till that day came!) I woke up super early.. Lee was still in bed, but he woke up and I told him I was going to Wal-mart to get the tests. We were both so nervous... that drive was seriously torture. I finally got home.. Lee was still in bed. I told him I was going to do it.. and not to come in the bathroom. Haha. I was shaking like crazy.. I took it... and guess what?!
I WAS PREGNANT
The line showed up immediately, and was as dark as could be. I was pregnant! I of course, ran out of there and told Lee.. we were so happy. Obviously, it was still a little scary.. I mean just a month before this same thing had happened.. we were so happy.. and then days later we lost our baby. For a LONG while I really struggled with this pregnancy.. I had so much fear of what could happen.
I'm not about to say that I did a very good job of leaning on God during that time... I felt afraid that we would lose our baby again.
I'm also not going to say that I even really understand why we had to go through all of that. I think a lot of times we find ourselves in trials.. and we wonder why why why.
I am clinging to the fact that God really DOES see the bigger picture. He knows.
We don't always keep the eternal perspective. But He never loses it.
1 Samuel 1:11a
And she made a vow, saying, "LORD Almighty, if you will only look on your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him the LORD for all the days of his life."
I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of Him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD.
The Lord has given us a beautiful baby. A baby that is the perfect mixture of me and the love of my life. What a blessing and honor that I will never take for granted.